This journal will now have some public entries, but friends only commenting

They just announced that Kerry called Bush and conceeded the election.
I went to bed last night thinking that by some miracle I'd wake up and hear and Ohio wasn't full of ignornant conservative cowards. I was wrong.
It's hard to even be mad, mostly I just sat down and cried. It's the most frightening thing I can think of. This man who stole the election last time is now in due to winning not only the electoral college but also the popular vote. I seriously didn't think this was going to happen. It seemed impossible that anyone could really be going to vote for him. Now I feel upset and a little bit lost.
I suppose there are alot of places to put the blame. But none of them matter now. The people my age who didn't go vote. If you were one of them and you are reading this, have fun in Iraq. Because we are the first group going. They say that of all the young voters who registered, millions more than ever before, only 17% of my age group voted. Just like last time.
Apathy is death.
The rest of the world isn't going to understand how we could be so stupid. Any sympathy we had going for us because of the stolen election last time, is gone. This time over 3 million more people voted for that murderer than for John Kerry.
They say that Kerry called Bush and told him he was conceeding and then said, "This country is so divided, we need to fix that" How amazing that he still believes Bush cares. He's a good man.
My family is talking about Italy and not staying here. I hope we go.

GO VOTE

So that's it. In a flurry of beachballs we graduated.
Until...

A pretty girl is like a minstrel show
It makes you laugh
It makes you cry
You go
It just isn't the same on radio
It's all about the makeup and the dancing
and the Oh,
a pretty girl is like a violent crime
If you do it wrong
you could do time
but if you do it right it is sublime
I'm so in love with you, girl,
It's like I'm on the moon
I can't really breathe, but I feel lighter
A melody is like
a pretty girl
Who cares if it's the dumbest in the world
It's all about the way that it
unfurls
A pretty girl is like
a pretty girl

spin spin sugar: : Magnetic Fields

I have an infected tooth. Thanks to a loose filling. Caused by the damn dentist.
they can't do anything with it until the infection is gone
I am taking antibiotics and vicodins etc for pain.
If i say or do something way dumber than normal
This is why

spin spin sugar: : One Thing - Finger Eleven

- running with the night down to the pier, and liberating crushed petals paired with seashells from ancient glass bottles into the inky dark waves, then returning home crimson cheeked; only to cocoon yourself in blankets and consume excessive ice cream until it ends up on your nose - and you like crave it that way. gia just posted a pic that is my fave of me ever i think i'll make an icon

spin spin sugar: : Stupid - Sarah M (I hate this song)

i do not sleep. not much, anymore. perhaps i dream for an hour or so but it is not the pure unadulterated sleep that i crave. vivid vivid dreams, interrupted only by something tiny like the fridge clicking over, intruding the darkness with something so noticeable from something so inconsequential. how does that work?

i rise out of bed and look back to where i once lay and think "how did those sheets get like that?" such a mess; misplaced folds and
diagonal halves and
my forehead furrows because i
do not quite understand how something like that could encase my body yet leave no mark. the lines run into each other just like some half energised attempt at abstract post modern art, and since i avoid those pieces at the galleries i avoid it here and there, too.

there is a bruise on my upper arm and it looks like an imploded lotus flower. bare feet and linoleum collide at 4.44am precisely and the moonlight forces jagged shadows through the petals. a bruise; ruptured vessels and discolourations without actually lacerating the self and i've always found them mysterious and possessing emotions and and and
i think this lotus looks angry, with its newly added shadows. surfing injury. i bruise easily i was never concerned even if my mother was, because it was just like cloud watching; amelie rabbit making, finding people and animals and emotions and things in bruises.
i had always searched for a butterfly.

now it is almost 10.44am precisely and i can still feel the dream i had before i found my lotus. i had seen a butterfly, crouched on my index finger so i could feel her body on my skin; a beautifully orange butterfly with perfectly misplaced spots and diagonal half shapes in her wings. and now i examine my unmarked finger, thinking back to her and my forehead furrows because i
do not quite understand how something beautiful like her could have encased my finger
yet leave no mark at all.

spin spin sugar: : I'll catch you :: the get up kids

so people always take photos of sunsets and post them in their journals and now i am, too. but this sunset, it belongs to me and i'm giving it to you. the rhythms of the ocean storms drew me out of the house and south of here and i ran ran ran up the hill and far far away until the sun stopped and i stopped and we collided and said "hello," and i thought: so this is what the sun and the ocean do when they melt into each other.

and that reminded me of you. Happy Birthday.

disposition:: surprised to be awake
spin spin sugar: : Drive All Night (yes, I'm still listening to it)

When I lost you honey sometimes I think I lost my guts too
And I wish God would send me a word
send me something I'm afraid to lose
Lying in the heat of the night like prisoners all our lives
I get shivers down my spine and all I wanna do is hold you tight

(Chorus)
I swear I'll drive all night just to buy you some shoes
And to taste your tender charms
And I just wanna sleep tonight again in your arms

Tonight there's fallen angels and they're waiting for us down in the street
Tonight there's calling strangers,
hear them crying in defeat.
Let them go, let them go, let them go,
do their dances of the dead (let'em go right ahead)
You just dry your eyes girl, and c'mon c'mon
c'mon let's go to bed, baby, baby, baby

(Chorus)

There's machines and there's fire waiting on the edge of town
They're out there for hire but baby they can't hurt us now
Cause you've got, you've got, you've got,
you've got my love, you've got my love
Through the wind, through the rain, the snow, the wind, the rain
You've got, you've got my, my love
heart and soul

spin spin sugar: : Springsteen